my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
