Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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