Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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