So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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