Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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