im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
