So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
