She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize