I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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