I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Is her dick bigger than yours?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
