Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
