I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
