The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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