I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
