So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
