Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize