a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize