I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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