Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
