you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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