How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
