I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
