Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
