make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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