There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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