just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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