ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
