Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
