I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
not ubering you a puppy
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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