My room smells like vodka and shame
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
