You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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