If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
