oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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