It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
