I looked at my own cervix.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
