the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
