He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
