Yo dont text me then not text me
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
