I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize