there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
