We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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