Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
