How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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