I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
