this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
