Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
