I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize