We need to rekindle our bromance
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
