Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
