had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
