please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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