he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize