i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
home. puking in laundry basket.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
