you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
