Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
