You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
