When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
