he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
