Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
