The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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