You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
