If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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