If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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