If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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