how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
God, I missed his penis.
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