**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
