Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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