I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You smell like a Billy Joel song
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
