well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
