I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
