theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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