I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
