She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
