end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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