I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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