she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
