I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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