the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
