my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
