I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize