I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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