True but thats because hes a fetus.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
