roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
