is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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