I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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